More and more wedding drama... blah... and then I realized something: even if no one else was there, it would still be one of the happiest days of my life. So... perhaps the wedding invitations will say something to the effect of -- we're getting married, it'd be nice if you were there, but the only reason to really come would be to party in Vegas, with or without us. Geez, here I was getting all paranoid about whether or not people will complain... and then I realized that they will always complain, no matter what! They could be at the frickin' wedding of Princess Diana and Prince Charles (nevermind their eventual outcome) and they would've still complained about something! So... screw it. I'm tired of worrying about whether or not people will have a good time. We'll try to have a good time, and it's up to the guests on whether or not they will join in.

I realize that now. We can do something bigger (or at least have a giant dinner for everyone and their mother to come, eat, then go) later on, when we have the money and patience.

Even Whateley's step-mom suggested eloping.

I've got everything and nothing to blog about, but for now, all I can say is that the Artiste turned 27 this past Friday. Yay.

I've had a million ideas for a blog entry, so I'm just going to wing it and see what pops into my head. Almost like automatic writing, except not so gibberishy.

I started knitting a scarf for Whateley, and I think I will finish it just as the cold season ends. Not that it's been cold nowadays, what with the Santa Anas and the wildfires. I realize that in these times, we have an odd situation. We don't have enough leisure time for all our leisure activities. I mean, back in the days, nobody had leisure time, you were too busy workin'. Now, we have so many time-saver stuff that we have loads of leisure time and way too many leisure activities. I was just thinking that as I realized that WoW, knitting, surfing the web, catching up on DVDs, and reading books were all competing for my free time... and then I realized that I don't really have much free time at all, since I'm unemployed and should be spending the chunk of my time looking at job listings, sending out reels, futzing around with Maya, and perhaps even futzing around with Perl. Soooooo... basically I'm a loser that needs to put down the fun stuff and get to workin'.

School starts this week. I'm only taking one class this semester on account of how my commute has lengthened and there aren't more classes I'm willing to take. And it's good to drop by the westside and keep in touch with the people there and see what's the news regarding jobs and whatnot.

And... finally on the job note, if I don't get anything good soon, I'm going to have to take part time work to pay the bills, and currently the best lead for that is to either go back to Starbucks (yikes... um... no) or better yet, work a few shifts a week at Whateley's Borders (at the cafe -- Seattle's Best, so it's still working for Starbucks). Please, please, please, dear Lord in Heaven, let me find a job soon!

Blah. I didn't get the job. Blah.

Dang, nothing like a serious post to stop the comments dead on their tracks. Thanks to my sis, since she seems to be on the only one brave enough to comment!

Okay, on to the rest of my life. I totally became a stressball last night, and after much consoling by the very-tired Whateley, he decided to take over wedding prep, since right now, I'm too stressed out about getting a job. I don't know how long that will last, since as much as I hate organizing something, I'm still a girl and Whateley is still a guy, and I have to make sure we don't end up saying our vows on the bridge of the starship Enterprise. (I've already vetoed that idea, though I did say that if we can afford it (cuz it's still expensive for a cheesy wedding there) we'll do it for our anniversary. I say the 10th, he's thinking 1st. Oh bother.)

Wow, all those parenthesis. What a nice segue for what I've been doing the past few days! Well, currently I'm trying to get a job at a major VFX studio (I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say, but I don't want this blog somehow getting be fired before I'm even hired), and it's not the tracking job I originally tried for... well, it's a long story, but basically, they didn't have openings in that area, but they did have openings for a render watcher. Anyway, it's a techie job that involves scripting, so over the weekend, I read two books on Perl, and I just spent today and last night (with a good chunk of time inbetween to read Waiter Rant) writing the scripts and hoping against hope that they work when the lady runs them on their machine. The problem? They're using Linux. Do I have Linux? No. And when you Google "free linux shell accounts" you get a thousand links, of which 99% are either not free, doesn't exist, not offering any more accounts, require a "donation", or else you have to send them a loving e-mail kissing their butt about why they should give you an account. So after hours of searching, I gave up and just tried the stuff out on my computer. It wouldn't be a problem if all I was doing was manipulating text files. But no, it involves manipulating directories and files, and basically, there's a fundamental difference in the way DOS handles files as opposed to Linux. Sigh. Well, it's over, I e-mailed my answers, and well... I'll keep y'all posted.

Man, I need a job so bad. I've sent in my reel to another studio, and if this job deal falls through, then I'm going to have to make another trek out to LA to drop off more reels. If any of you have an inkling of belief, please pray for me. Meanwhile, I don't have any insurance and my money's tight, so if I want to see a doctor, I'm going to have to go to a free clinic and wait all day. Yeah, I'll be doing that tomorrow, probably. Long story, but let's just say that I'm not feeling too great.

Where did the day go....

Is it wrong of me to want to get married in Vegas for convenience sake? Yeah, maybe not for the guests (I know, they'll have to get hotel reservations, time off, plane tickets, car rentals, etc) but it would be so much easier for me. I am really dreading the idea of having to coordinate and find the hall, catering, flowers, photography, etc. Well, the flowers I could get taken care of easily, but that's it. Everything else I would have to do the bride thing and look through books and magazines and call places and whatnot. And then I'd have to deal with various showers and wedding party stuff. And worst of all, I'd have to deal with the guest list. The funny thing is, it's not my parents' guest list that has me frightened (though it does give me the heebie jeebies a bit), but my own. I wouldn't know how to deal with people I know at school, people I knew from my old work, and worst off, I wouldn't know how to deal with people I know from church.

Here's the thing. I went to a church for over three years, and I do like the people there, and I was pretty friendly with them. But I have left that church, and the reasons for it was more than geography. Mainly, I was having a hard time dealing with the ultra-conservatism. I mean, when I started attending the church, it was the english-language ministry of a korean presbyterian church (which in itself is very conservative). Then the church left, formed its own identity, and then joined the Southern Baptists. Yeah, the denomination that likes to boast the membership of Jerry Falwell. Well, I was sort of stuck. On one hand, I liked the pastor, I liked the people, I respected the message, but on the other hand, I was having a hard time reconciling that my liberal-pragmatist beliefs were in their eyes a sin.

So I don't know how to deal with it. For one, it was the pastor's belief that it was a sin for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. Well, Whateley ain't a Christian. So... what's to do? I feel like a lesbian wanting to invite my redneck family to my alternative-wedding ceremony. On one hand I would like them to attend, on the other hand, I wouldn't want to if they didn't approve. I want all who attend to be happy for me, and not judge me, definitely not condemn me, and I have this weird desire for everyone's approval. It's not healthy. If I was stronger, I would just invite them, damn the consequences. I'm not ashamed of myself or my relationship with Whateley. But... but I'm not strong. Less than I'm willing to admit.

It's easier to just have a wedding in Vegas and not invite everyone I know, under the excuse that it's just too far away.

Hey, I just bared my soul here. Go easy on me in the comments.