Is it wrong of me to want to get married in Vegas for convenience sake? Yeah, maybe not for the guests (I know, they'll have to get hotel reservations, time off, plane tickets, car rentals, etc) but it would be so much easier for me. I am really dreading the idea of having to coordinate and find the hall, catering, flowers, photography, etc. Well, the flowers I could get taken care of easily, but that's it. Everything else I would have to do the bride thing and look through books and magazines and call places and whatnot. And then I'd have to deal with various showers and wedding party stuff. And worst of all, I'd have to deal with the guest list. The funny thing is, it's not my parents' guest list that has me frightened (though it does give me the heebie jeebies a bit), but my own. I wouldn't know how to deal with people I know at school, people I knew from my old work, and worst off, I wouldn't know how to deal with people I know from church.

Here's the thing. I went to a church for over three years, and I do like the people there, and I was pretty friendly with them. But I have left that church, and the reasons for it was more than geography. Mainly, I was having a hard time dealing with the ultra-conservatism. I mean, when I started attending the church, it was the english-language ministry of a korean presbyterian church (which in itself is very conservative). Then the church left, formed its own identity, and then joined the Southern Baptists. Yeah, the denomination that likes to boast the membership of Jerry Falwell. Well, I was sort of stuck. On one hand, I liked the pastor, I liked the people, I respected the message, but on the other hand, I was having a hard time reconciling that my liberal-pragmatist beliefs were in their eyes a sin.

So I don't know how to deal with it. For one, it was the pastor's belief that it was a sin for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. Well, Whateley ain't a Christian. So... what's to do? I feel like a lesbian wanting to invite my redneck family to my alternative-wedding ceremony. On one hand I would like them to attend, on the other hand, I wouldn't want to if they didn't approve. I want all who attend to be happy for me, and not judge me, definitely not condemn me, and I have this weird desire for everyone's approval. It's not healthy. If I was stronger, I would just invite them, damn the consequences. I'm not ashamed of myself or my relationship with Whateley. But... but I'm not strong. Less than I'm willing to admit.

It's easier to just have a wedding in Vegas and not invite everyone I know, under the excuse that it's just too far away.

Hey, I just bared my soul here. Go easy on me in the comments.