My first day as a non-trainee. It went well, though I learned now that I get tired about mid-way, and while one cup of coffee does wonders, a second cup will make me jittery and nauseous. Who knew, huh? I mean, I used to have two to three drinks per shift at Starbucks.

I called my mom today after ignoring several voicemails. I don't really mean to, but often times I don't even check my voicemail until well after midnight, so I couldn't call them right away, and then of course I'd forget the next day. Anyway, it's always hard talking to my mom since she's convinced I've thrown my life away. I can't even explain to her where I'm working now cuz I just don't have the vocabulary. To her, all she knows is that I'm working the swing shift with non-traditional days off. She kept mentioning how she wished I'd go study something useful and get a good job. I can't explain to her that I'm hoping this job will lead me to the artistic job that I want. Sigh.

Anyway, in other stories, I just gave Compassion International $18 for a Christmas gift for my sponsored kid. Sigh.... I don't know how to feel about this. I sponsored this kid sort of as a whim. More like, I was considering it, it was the big thing at church when I was college, and I had plenty of money from my scholarship and my overpaid campus gig. But then college ended, I was struggling for money, I was working crap retail jobs, and I was barely scraping by. But I couldn't justify cutting $28 a month out of my budget because while I coulda used the money, I wasn't in desperate need of the money. And meanwhile, I hooked up with Whateley, moved in, and his and my income combined covered our expenses, so again, while I coulda used the money, I wasn't so desperate. Now, now that I've got a full-time job, I'm not in school, and we're on our way to saving up for place of our own... well, we can afford that donation, though, like I said, I could always use the money since I'm not making a lot of money. (I'd say we're on our way to becoming lower middle-class.)

Am I a horrible person? I've been feeling so guilty I can't get myself to open his letters, nor write to him much. And this poor kid is caught in this weird psychological web I've entrapped myself in. But I feel so guilty cuz I've been this kid's sponsor for over 5 years now, and I don't want to drop him as a sponsor since older kids have a harder time finding sponsors. Yet, it seems cruel to be a sponsor for him 'til he turns 18 and barely communicate for the entirety of his childhood. Okay, I just requested that they assign a correspondent for him. I'm so weak. :(

Anyway, Happy Halloween, everyone. And if you object to Halloween, then Happy Hallow's End! And if you don't know what that means... go play WoW!