My current desktop image. Sorry it's a bit big. I couldn't figure out how to link to the smaller picture.

I was reading some blogs of people that I used to know at KCPC. And it got me thinking. It wasn't until senior year of high school that I realized that I didn't care whether or not I was popular and involved in all the popular activities, as long as I was happy and had a handful of really good friends that I could count on.

Well, during college, at church I realized that I tried to do almost the same thing. I wanted to be one of the "popular" kids, i.e. the ones that were highly visible. The ones that got mentioned by Pastor Eugene by name during his messages at FiCB. The ones that were part of the in-jokes during Senior Banquet.

But it's all pointless. Yeah, KCPC wasn't the excruciating social experiment as high school, but invariably, in a large organization, you're going to have cliches. And that means that you'll have popular kids. And it kills me that even after learning that I didn't like playing the game during high school, that I unwittingly placed myself in the games during college. But I'm not saying that I was complete social outcast. I had my handfull of really good friends, and a bigger handfull of mildly-close friends. And though I didn't stand out, I didn't fade out either. But then, that's most people. Smack dab in the middle. I'm such a follower. I really wish I had the courage and strength to march to my own drum and not be afraid to be different and not try so hard to fit-in to someone else's group and instead make my own group. Like my friend Erica. I have to admire her for that, cuz even though she's part of a gazillion social circles, she's not afraid to be herself and make friends with the people she wants to.

It's almost 4 am. I should sleep. Watching the rerun New Year's Eve episode of Conan O'Brien on TV right now. He is so hilarious. I remember thinking that he was sooo terrible when he first started. But then he got his stride when he started his now-trademark humor: self-deprecating, i-can't-believe-he-just-did-that humor. Makes me want to go to New York to see a taping.