Maybe it's old-fashioned me of to expect people to say what they mean and mean what they say. I mean, yes, I'm guity of saying "maybe" and meaning "no," but if I hear a "yes" in any shape or form, I expect that to be a yes. Perhaps it's foolish of me to expect people to keep their word. After all, it's nothing but a promise, and in this world, a promise is something to be broken all the time.

Yes, I am being very cynical. How could I not be. After all, I haven't been to any church activity, fellowship or study-wise, for over three months. Sure, it's just a holiday party... where I signed up to bring something (good thing it was napkins and not food items) and I already bought a gift for the gift exchange, already wrapped with the price tag removed. I mean, it was foolish of me to expect a "most likely yes" to be a last-minute "sorry I can't." When I worked at cafe at Berkeley, it was expected that once you took a shift, it was your responsibility to find someone else if you couldn't make it.

So I will go to church this Sunday, where, as usual, someone will say, "We missed you at women's bible study/baby shower/bridal shower/[insert activity here]." I mean, yes, it's difficult to make it to these things when I usually work on Saturdays and I live an hour away. How foolish of me to think that for once, I can actually make it to an event.

I'm tired. Not just physically.