Now that my internship's over, I now have no more excuses about finding a full-time job or at least preparing myself for a full-time job. Whateley's threatening to take the coaxial cables with him when he leaves for work so that TV won't be a temptation for me. And while I do have to agree that it is a major temptation, especially with TiVo, I'm not someone with absolutely no self-control that I can't tear myself away from the TV. No, I've got other issues, and TV is only a symptom.

My biggest, stupidest issue, I'm afraid, is that I know that it'll take a lot of hard work to succeed in this business, and even then I might still fail, so a part of me is afraid of working hard only to have it lead to nowhere. But there's the stupidity of it. If I don't work hard, then I'm guaranteed to fail. So I swear, I need to give myself a Tony-Robbins-pep-talk everyday just to remind myself that I am dooming myself to failure by not working hard.

What can I say, self-motivation has always been hard for me. It's been a little more successful if I have an outside influence telling me what to do. But that has its drawbacks because what they want me to do (e.g. a teacher) isn't necessarily what I need to do, and in the end, when the outside influence is gone, I'm still left with low self-motivation.

And I know how to solve my problems, I do! I just have to do stuff. Plain and simple.


On a diffent note, last Tuesday Whateley and I went to The Stinking Rose in Beverly Hills. I didn't think it was possible, but I think I had too much garlic in one sitting. I remember wanting to go when I was in Berkeley, but never got a chance to. It was fun. Perhaps after we've recovered, we'll go again. Anyone who's a garlic-lover, though, I totally recommend checking them out. But I'd watch it on the garlic relish at the table. I didn't realize that raw garlic is potent, and my tonsils felt like they were on fire.