Last night I had one of those... epiphanies? I'm not sure if that's the right word.

So after being late to work (again), one of my co-workers invited us to his house afterwards to hang out. I wasn't sure if I was actually wanted or if they were asking out of politeness (mainly due to my being late that day, and it's the lead that I get a less-than-warm response from) but I went anyway. I was only there for a little over an hour, but it was good. I just listened to them talk about people I didn't know. Anyway, one thing came out. Everybody else (or at least the four other people there) didn't like the Stickler Lead. So... a part of me was happy, so I knew it wasn't just me. And it was kinda fun listening to them complain about her. But then they made fun of her for being a "church girl." (Well, it was a little more explicit than that. Basically they were laughing at her for being the v-word.) That's when I stopped laughing. Suddenly, I realized that the others were faulting her for her "good" qualities. And that's when I examined my dislike of her, and I realized that, while her methods are brusque and condescending sometimes, they were essentially "good" qualities. I mean, how can you call "following the rules" a bad personality trait?

So tonight, when I worked with her, the shift went by a lot better. Well, for one, I was making less mistakes and she seemed less "peering-over-my-shoulder." But mainly, I accepted that with her there will be no "giving of breaks," "cutting of slacks," or even good old-fashioned camaderie. But those are not bad qualities and she is not a bad person. Now, it will still frustrate me when she corrects my every little mistake or throw away those beautiful leftover pastries, but I just have to accept that as the kind of character she has. Weird.

Y'know what bugs me? I wish I had spoken up, saying that being a "church girl" isn't a bad thing. That it's a good thing. But, alas, my human's sinful desires (acceptance and belonging) kept me from doing so. It's that whole, evil persists when good men stay silent thing. Sigh.

It's not my fault. Mea culpa.
I'm not to blame. Mea culpa.
It is the gypsy girl the witch who sent this flame. Mea maxima culpa.
It's not my fault. Mea culpa.
If in God's plan, Mea culpa.
He made the devil so much stronger than a man. Mea maxima culpa.

On a side note, the official church split happened today as we held the first service of the newly reformed Pillar Bible Church. I was able to attend both Dong Shin EM as well as Pillar, but next week... no more Dong Shin. Kyrie Eleison.